Friday, August 16, 2013

Come Hell or High Desire Blog Tour is HERE!

I have been dying for this blog date! Dying, people!! Misty Dietz is not only one of my most favoritest people IN the world...she is a fantastically talented author who agreed to share with me a hilarious post...AND some insider deets on her latest release, Come Hell or High Desire! I highly caution you not to eat or drink anything while reading this post--unless, of course, you like cleaning spew off your monitor. Your call. ALSO, there are prizes!! Whoo Hoo! Makes me all tingly. Be sure to read down to the bottom and enter the Rafflecopter for a chance to win some free awesomeness! And now...without further ado...I give you...
All Hail To the Potty Mouth Nation. Or not.
By Misty Dietz
Hey gang, so thrilled to be here today with the uber awesome AJ talking about something a little non-traditional in romance circles. Creative swearing, you say? Why are we talking about that? (AJ here. a mom of two underage kids, I'm always looking for creative curse words. Lead on, my friend. Lead on.)
Oh, trust me, it can be a very entertaining enterprise. And lately, I’ve begun to see how unoriginal all these damns, shits, and…let’s face it…what the fucks, really are. I mean, come ON, I’m a writer for freak’s sake. I should have aaaaall kinds of creative turns of phrases, right?
And some of my characters don’t automatically spout obscenities just because their creator does. Like Sloane Swift, the heroine in my debut COME HELL OR HIGH DESIRE, who tries to temper her swearing and genuflects after thinking the “F” word inside a church. So what’s a modern day potty mouth like me to do? Turn to Facebook, of course! I asked my long-suffering friends what their best, most satisfying non-obscene expressions were…and then I waited.
I didn’t have long to wait. People lapped this up. I heard all kinds of new expressions—“got down, sat on a bench!” (for g-damn, son of a b*tch) and “fart knocker” (I’m not kidding! LOL!)—and some golden oldies I hadn’t heard in ages, like “holy balls,” “barnacles,” “mother fudger,” and “cheese’n rice!” (for JC). (AJ again. I am sooooo using "cheese'n rice" moving forward. Stealing it!)
I also recently heard “got dandruff, some of it itches!” (for GD,SoaB) while playing Train Dominoes with friends at the lake, and I nearly snorted coconut rum and pineapple juice out my nose. Her timing and delivery were positively exquisite! This girl had it nailed, folks.
And the moral of that story is…new expressions take repetition to solidify in your mind. Because, yo, if you stub your toe and the pain makes your eyes roll back in your noggin, trust me, saying something PG like fingerlicking vomit brain! does NOT come out naturally. We are all too often creatures of habit.
This means practice, kids!
So pick a favorite expression and start to use it semi-regularly. For that person who isn’t acting so smart: he might be suffering from a bad case of rectal cranial impaction (head up the arse).  Or when your kids are tap dancing on your last nerve, whining about their chores/life/whatever, tell them to go cry me a bucket. Then are all those wonderful f-conjugations: frick, frack, frump, flicker flumping funny face. Hahaha!
And don’t forget about the well, bless her heart! made infamous by all those southern belles with too much class to let obscenities ever pass their honeyed lips.
Finally, there is stealth swearing (AKA: acronym swearing). When you’re at work and you’ve had it up to here with meetings that go on FOR-EV-ER, calmly tell people it’s time to FOCUS: f#ck off, ‘cause ur stupid (to borrow awful texting abbreviating).
Aaaanyway, I could go on (and on and on), but I really want to hear from you now. What are some PG exclamations that either come out of your own mouth or the mouths of your family and friends?
At the end of my blog tour we’ll be drawing the name of two commenters from all of the blogs to gift not one, but two fantastic prize winners. See below for details, and thanks for being here! xo, misty ;)
Now, read on to learn more about Misty and Come Hell or High Desire...

Torn between dangerous desires…

Framed for a series of brutal murders, rebel-turned-CEO Zack Goldman must go to ground. When he discovers that sexy boutique owner Sloane Swift has a shocking gift—terrifying visions that connect her to his mentor’s missing daughter—he can’t believe her refusal to help him. Nor can he believe he’s actually falling for the frustrating woman.

Their chemistry will either find its perfect equation…

Helping an accused killer ranks low on Sloane’s to-do list, no matter how hot the attraction burns between them. But putting to rest her overwhelming guilt over the missing girl’s fate proves more difficult than she ever imagined…that is, until her heart and conscience begin to align.

…or detonate everything in its path.

As the real killer locks in on Sloane, Zack will stop at nothing to keep her safe. And as they earn each other’s trust—with danger in hot pursuit—they may just lose their hearts in the process…
~ * ~

Her fingernails suddenly raked at her skull. “Lord! I almost forgot. We have to go back to Ann’s. She has a diary!”

He swerved into an empty parking lot and swiveled to face her, blood pounding in his ears. “What are you talking about?”

“Ann keeps a diary. We have to find it.”

“You’re just telling me this now? You should have goddamn said something right away!”

“Don’t you dare curse at me like that, you seismic jackass!”

He had to get out. He flung the truck door open and strode onto the cracked asphalt. Her door slammed shut moments later, and within seconds she was wagging a finger in his face. “And don’t you walk away from me, either!”

“Then don’t be such a damn shrew.”

Color flooded over her cheekbones seconds before she punched him in the gut. Hard. An ancient fire lit up his nerve circuits and adrenaline had him widening his stance. His heart gunned.
His groin tightened.

And she was still shrill.

“I’m not a shrew! How am I supposed to act in a situation like this? You think I’m enjoying this? I hate it! But unfortunately I have a conscience which would haunt me for the rest of my life if I don’t follow this through until we have some answers. You came to me and wanted to rule out the church first. Then with everything that happened, I forgot about the diary until right now. That clear enough for you, you—”

Clear enough, honey.

He vised her head between his palms and kissed her. He hadn’t meant to, but the moment her mouth opened to his, he was lost. Not breaking contact with her mouth, he wrapped one arm around her, his hand splaying across her ass, locking her hips against him. Her hands were in his hair, her hips grinding, driving him crazy. They feasted on each other’s mouth, tongues dueling, daring, seeking. He felt her fingers between their bodies, slipping underneath the waistband of his jeans, pulling at the hem of his shirt. Her fingernail scraped his abs and he groaned. She leaned away from his mouth, her eyes dead sexy. Liquid brown. He was gonna—

A car horn blew, jerking him back to life. Back to the parking lot. He looked over to see a man in a black minivan at a stoplight giving them the thumbs up. He honked twice more, waved, and drove on.
Sloane burst into a fit of laughter that quickly dissolved into tears.

And that clinched it. He’d woken up this morning in some creepy-assed Twilight Zone.

~ * ~
Misty’s love affair with words started in middle school when she penned dark stories set in exotic locales she knew nothing about. In college, her boy-angst spilled over into disturbing reams of poetry. After grad school, real life hit, and the writing went into hibernation until she found her own happily-ever-after with an ultra linear man who is the long-suffering counter-balance to her zig-zagging tendencies. Now, she spends her days writing emotionally complex, adrenaline-fueled stories, teaching Zumba, and praying her children don’t come home with math homework.

Come Hell or High Desire by Misty Dietz
Genre: Romantic Suspense
Misty’s Website | Twitter | Facebook | Goodreads | Pinterest
Come Hell or High Desire on Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo Books
Publication Date: August 12, 2013
Published by Entangled Publishing - Suspense Imprint

Okay, here's the super-cool prize Misty is offering through her Rafflecopter contest. Be sure to enter!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway (<--click here)

Come Hell or High Desire tour schedule, in case you'd like to follow along and stalk Misty!! I know I do.

August 12, 2013
Sexy Between the Covers- Melissa Keir 
Nancy’s Novels – Welcome to she said, he said
Black Velvet Seductions Readers Blog 
August 13, 2013
TBQ’s Book Palace
Paranormal Book Club 
Talk Supe 
August 14, 2013
Writerly Ramblings 
You Gotta Read Reviews 
August 15, 2013
Brooke Blogs 
Amberkatze’s Book Blog
Reader’s Edyn 
August 16, 2013
Tattered Pages 
August 17, 2013
Laurie’s Thoughts and Reviews 
August 19, 2013
MJ Schiller, Author 
Sun Mountain Reviews 
August 20, 2013
Sarah Ballance 
Mark of the Stars 
August 21, 2013
Musings and Ramblings 
August 22, 2013
Open Book Society
August 23, 2013
Simply Ali
August 24, 2013
Celestial Reviews
Just One More Chapter 


Misty Dietz said...

OMG, I have been so FRACKING excited to join you, AJ! I've tried posting from my iPad like 3 times already and it wouldn't go through so I had to drag my ass downstairs to my desktop. LOL! You're totally worth it, though!! :D

AJ Nuest said...

Whooooo Hoooo! I'm so excited to have you! Now we gotta get V over here. LOL It's a PAR-TAY! Whoot! I've FB'd and Tweeted. Off to spread some more joy and then I'll be BACK! XO

Chrys Fey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chrys Fey said...

Oh, I had a blast reading this post, AJ and Misty! In my (currently unpublished) series, my protagonist is a tough-cookie with a badge and supernatural powers, and she definitely uses curse words. But after she finds out her destiny (no spoilers here for what that is), she stops herself from saying "Holy Shit" and swiftly changes it to "Holy Shiitake Mushroom!" And I don't like mushrooms, so it's okay. HAHAHA! When I was younger and trying not to have a potty mouth, I would say "Flippin' A!" I'm not sure of the actual meaning of that, but I used it whenever I was pissed off. Flippin' A really rolls off the tongue nicely. ;)

I definitely have to read Come Hell or High Desire because I know I will enjoy it immensely!

Thank you, ladies!

AJ Nuest said...

I can't tell you the times I've used "cheese n' rice!" this past week. I love that one. LOL Thanks for stopping by Chrys!! I can't wait to read your upcoming release!

Misty Dietz said...

"Holy Shiitake Mushroom" -LMAO, Chrys, good one! Your story sounds great - I love a paranormal twist. Yeah, the whole "flippin' A" I don't understand either, but I used it, too, and even expanded it when I was really raring mad..."Flippin A, flippin' O, flipping XYZ!!!"

Thanks for sharing and checking out Zack and Sloane's story! :)

Chrys Fey said...

Thanks, AJ! I'll be stopping by again. :)

And thank you, Misty. I don't have representation yet for my series, but I am working on releasing my first eBook called Hurricane Crimes.

Flippin' XYZ! That's a good one too! I have a feeling that you're going to get even more ideas for curse words for future work with the comments that are (no doubt) going to come in.

AJ Nuest said...

I've been known to shout a good "Sweet Baby Jesus in the cradle!" when I get upset. Is that the worst in sacrilege? Not sure...

Chrys Fey said...

I'm not sure either, AJ. We may have to put that one to a vote. lol

Misty Dietz said...

Best wishes on Hurricane Crimes! And yes, that's totally what I'm hoping for...more creative swearing ideas. Like "Sweet baby Jesus in the cradle" - LOL, AJ!!

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, Misty! :)

Lisa A. Olech said...

For some reason, 'Crud Monkeys,' has found a place in our home. 'Son of a Biscuit,' is also a fav. I like the Cheese n' Rice one as well. Although, if I'm on a roll, I just include them all in a hearty 'Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the shepherds!!' Of course, my children are grown now, and I could say the real thing if need be...but these work just fine!

Thanks for the laugh, ladies!

Lisa A. Olech

AJ Nuest said...

One of the funniest things that's happened to me lately is the new terminology I've learned from my UK author friends. One called her son a "toe rag" when he wouldn't hand over the tissues during a sad moment she was watchin on TV. Feckin is also very popular (i.e. Feck the buggers or Cheeky Fecker). Also "sod" which I love. Sod 'em all, the begrudgers! LOL I love it. So many new curse words to choose from!

Poison Rose said...

OMG...hahaha! I am sooo unoriginal. I have a potty mouth too and with my 8 year old I try to find some "inventive" ways to non-swear. my SoaB = Son of a Biscuit
Shit = shishkabobs
Fuck = fudgecakes!

And Sooo many more! :)
Thanks for giving me more ideas on non-swears!


Misty Dietz said...

"Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the shepherds" - Hahahaha! That reminds me that I used "Lord, Thunder & Jesus" in the book. Crud monkeys is good, too. I've also said "stupid monkey breath" before - we are tough and scary aren't we? LOL Thanks for stopping, Lisa!

Misty Dietz said...

AJ - I LOVE BRIT SWEARING!!! It doesn't quite have the power without the accent, but there's nothing quite like saying, "sod off!" Such a scandalous phrase back in the day. LOL. And wow...totally gonna use Cheeky Fecker. LOVE THAT. Hahahahahaha!

Misty Dietz said...

Sara - I'm gonna start saying "SOAB!" Acronyms work, right? And everything with fudge totally works.
Fudge a fudger!

I am having entirely too much fun! ;)

AJ Nuest said...

Fudge a Fudger? BWAHAHAHA! That's hilarious.

Paisley Kirkpatrick said...

My brain is dead so I can't think of what usually flows out of my mouth, but know fricking does on occasion. Loved the blog and getting to know Misty a lot better. ;)

Poison Rose said...

LMAO.. You ladies are fracking awesome! Misty, you CAN'T blame me if we both start saying fudge a fudger! I think SOAB is cool. *thumbs up*

Oh! I recall now that I also use the PITA acronym with my son if I need to, but I stwitch A for B and b= butt.

Keep up the fun use of new non-swears and I'll be checking back in!

AJ Nuest said...

I use PITA all the time too, Poison -- altho it's usually in reference to myself because I know I am one. LOL

Misty Dietz said...

Yay, Paisley's here, Paisley's here!! Even after your trip! Thanks so much woman! I use fricking a lot actually. :)

Misty Dietz said...

Oh, yeah...PITA is gooood, Sara! I like POS too! I'd forgotten about that acronym. Hahaha! :)

AJ Nuest said...

Um, POS? Never heard that before... Please do enlighten me oh wise acronym goddess...

Misty Dietz said...

LOL, I'd be happy to >>> Piece. Of. Shit! :D

AJ Nuest said...

Oh...OH! LOL Duh.

Mackenzie Crowne said...

Mother puss bucket! I can't decide which was more entertaining. Your post or that rockin' excerpt! :-) Well done, ladies.

Vonnie Davis ~ Romance Author said...

I've been meaning to pop in here all day, but too much has been going on. Loved the post, Misty. In real life, I rarely use slang. If I'm pissed enough to curse, I'm not expending energy thinking of something else to say. I'm just going to let it rip...and your sensibilities be damned. 'Cause that's how I roll.

Ladies, if you haven't grabbed a copy of COME HELL OR HIGH DESIRE yet, y'all better treat yourself to this story. It is most excellent. Frekin', feckin', fuckin' awesome!!! Whoot!

AJ Nuest said...

ROFL Mac! I forgot about that one! LOL Love it!

AJ Nuest said...

Whoot! Thanks for stopping by, Mama V! I have my copy!! I'm dying to read it! DYING, I tell ya!

Okay, daughter just come home from a sleepover and we have a date for a movie and some cuddle time!

I'm off folks! Thanks, everyone for stopping by and hugs to you, Misty. I'm lifting a vodka martini and toasting to a boat load of sales!!

Misty Dietz said...

Thank you, Mackenzie! "Mother puss bucket" - AWESOME! LOL! Thanks for stopping in to share. ;)

Misty Dietz said...

All hail Mama V! Thanks for joining in the fun. May we all one day have your poise and sass! Love you, woman! xoxo

Misty Dietz said...

Have a wonderful date with your girl, AJ, and thank you so much for having me today. I had a blast! xoxo :)

Lilly Gayle said...

Love this post! And I love some of these swear words. I could have used some of these recently when dealing with Hughesnet and trying to get my folks hooked up. lol! I'm not that original. When writing paranormal, I fall back on frickin', friggin', freakin'. When in a historical frame of mine, I use "Well, Thomas Crapper." Or "This is Thomas Crapper." TS-total shit. Thomas Crapper-inventor of the toilet. Haven't used it in a book yet. But I might. lol! Love Cheese-and-rice.

AJ Nuest said...

LOL! I LOVE Thomas Crapper! That's awesome, Lilly! Stealing it! *AJ sing-song voice*.

Misty Dietz said...

Lilly, I can see using TS in the future. Totally! LOL! Acronyms are awesome. Thanks so much for stopping by! :)

Calisa Rhose said...

This is a hilarious post! I had a blast getting to know you, Misty. AJ...*shakes head*
Try shuckems and shoot when it's not a good time to say shit. Holy enchilada/tamale/jalepeno (really, any hot or spicy food fits) and my regular, son of a biscuit eater. My heroines often like most of these. :)

Gotta see about getting my copy of Come Hell or High Desire now!

Misty Dietz said...

Hey Calisa, so awesome that you could join the conversation! Shuckems is a new one for me - love that one! LOL. Also the holy (Mexican cuisine) options are also hilarious and remind me of the Skippy John Jones children's books. They are awesome! Thanks again so much for stopping by, and I hope you enjoy Zack and Sloane's story if you check it out!

Karen Michelle Nutt said...

Loved the post! lol When my sister and I were kids we used "bee horn" for b*tch. Oh, the memories. lol

Your book sounds really good and I love the book cover! Eye catching!

Misty Dietz said...

Hi Karen! Bee horn is a hoot! That makes me wonder...if you say be-yotch, is that still considered a bad word? LOL

Thanks so much for chiming in! :)

Calisa Rhose said...

Being a huge Blake Shelton fan I also love some beach for soab, cos us southerners say sum-bitch instead of the whole phrase. ;)

Glad to have had the op to add to your extensive terminology list, Misty!

Misty Dietz said...

LOL, Calisa! Sum-bitch...I can definitely hear that in my head...twang and all. I couldn't use that one though because I'd crack up. I wouldn't be too threatening then I don't think! :)