I have been dying for this blog date! Dying, people!! Misty Dietz is not only one of my most favoritest people IN the world...she is a fantastically talented author who agreed to share with me a hilarious post...AND some insider deets on her latest release, Come Hell or High Desire! I highly caution you not to eat or drink anything while reading this post--unless, of course, you like cleaning spew off your monitor. Your call. ALSO, there are prizes!! Whoo Hoo! Makes me all tingly. Be sure to read down to the bottom and enter the Rafflecopter for a chance to win some free mistydietz.com awesomeness! And now...without further ado...I give you...
All Hail To the Potty Mouth Nation. Or not.
By Misty Dietz
By Misty Dietz
Hey gang, so thrilled to be here today with the uber awesome AJ talking about something a little non-traditional in romance circles. Creative swearing, you say? Why are we talking about that? (AJ here. Uhhh...as a mom of two underage kids, I'm always looking for creative curse words. Lead on, my friend. Lead on.)
Oh, trust me, it can be a very entertaining enterprise. And lately, I’ve begun to see how unoriginal all these damns, shits, and…let’s face it…what the fucks, really are. I mean, come ON, I’m a writer for freak’s sake. I should have aaaaall kinds of creative turns of phrases, right?
And some of my characters don’t automatically spout obscenities just because their creator does. Like Sloane Swift, the heroine in my debut COME HELL OR HIGH DESIRE, who tries to temper her swearing and genuflects after thinking the “F” word inside a church. So what’s a modern day potty mouth like me to do? Turn to Facebook, of course! I asked my long-suffering friends what their best, most satisfying non-obscene expressions were…and then I waited.
I didn’t have long to wait. People lapped this up. I heard all kinds of new expressions—“got down, sat on a bench!” (for g-damn, son of a b*tch) and “fart knocker” (I’m not kidding! LOL!)—and some golden oldies I hadn’t heard in ages, like “holy balls,” “barnacles,” “mother fudger,” and “cheese’n rice!” (for JC). (AJ again. I am sooooo using "cheese'n rice" moving forward. Stealing it!)
I also recently heard “got dandruff, some of it itches!” (for GD,SoaB) while playing Train Dominoes with friends at the lake, and I nearly snorted coconut rum and pineapple juice out my nose. Her timing and delivery were positively exquisite! This girl had it nailed, folks.
And the moral of that story is…new expressions take repetition to solidify in your mind. Because, yo, if you stub your toe and the pain makes your eyes roll back in your noggin, trust me, saying something PG like fingerlicking vomit brain! does NOT come out naturally. We are all too often creatures of habit.
This means practice, kids!
So pick a favorite expression and start to use it semi-regularly. For that person who isn’t acting so smart: he might be suffering from a bad case of rectal cranial impaction (head up the arse). Or when your kids are tap dancing on your last nerve, whining about their chores/life/whatever, tell them to go cry me a bucket. Then are all those wonderful f-conjugations: frick, frack, frump, flicker flumping funny face. Hahaha!
And don’t forget about the well, bless her heart! made infamous by all those southern belles with too much class to let obscenities ever pass their honeyed lips.
Finally, there is stealth swearing (AKA: acronym swearing). When you’re at work and you’ve had it up to here with meetings that go on FOR-EV-ER, calmly tell people it’s time to FOCUS: f#ck off, ‘cause ur stupid (to borrow awful texting abbreviating).
Aaaanyway, I could go on (and on and on), but I really want to hear from you now. What are some PG exclamations that either come out of your own mouth or the mouths of your family and friends?
At the end of my blog tour we’ll be drawing the name of two commenters from all of the blogs to gift not one, but two fantastic prize winners. See below for details, and thanks for being here! xo, misty ;)Now, read on to learn more about Misty and Come Hell or High Desire...
Framed for a series of brutal murders, rebel-turned-CEO Zack Goldman must go to ground. When he discovers that sexy boutique owner Sloane Swift has a shocking gift—terrifying visions that connect her to his mentor’s missing daughter—he can’t believe her refusal to help him. Nor can he believe he’s actually falling for the frustrating woman.
Their chemistry will either find its perfect equation…
Helping an accused killer ranks low on Sloane’s to-do list, no matter how hot the attraction burns between them. But putting to rest her overwhelming guilt over the missing girl’s fate proves more difficult than she ever imagined…that is, until her heart and conscience begin to align.
…or detonate everything in its path.
As the real killer locks in on Sloane, Zack will stop at nothing to keep her safe. And as they earn each other’s trust—with danger in hot pursuit—they may just lose their hearts in the process…
~ * ~
Her fingernails suddenly raked at her skull. “Lord! I almost forgot. We have to go back to Ann’s. She has a diary!”
He swerved into an empty parking lot and swiveled to face her, blood pounding in his ears. “What are you talking about?”
“Ann keeps a diary. We have to find it.”
“You’re just telling me this now? You should have goddamn said something right away!”
“Don’t you dare curse at me like that, you seismic jackass!”
He had to get out. He flung the truck door open and strode onto the cracked asphalt. Her door slammed shut moments later, and within seconds she was wagging a finger in his face. “And don’t you walk away from me, either!”
“Then don’t be such a damn shrew.”
Color flooded over her cheekbones seconds before she punched him in the gut. Hard. An ancient fire lit up his nerve circuits and adrenaline had him widening his stance. His heart gunned.
His groin tightened.
And she was still shrill.
“I’m not a shrew! How am I supposed to act in a situation like this? You think I’m enjoying this? I hate it! But unfortunately I have a conscience which would haunt me for the rest of my life if I don’t follow this through until we have some answers. You came to me and wanted to rule out the church first. Then with everything that happened, I forgot about the diary until right now. That clear enough for you, you—”
Clear enough, honey.
He vised her head between his palms and kissed her. He hadn’t meant to, but the moment her mouth opened to his, he was lost. Not breaking contact with her mouth, he wrapped one arm around her, his hand splaying across her ass, locking her hips against him. Her hands were in his hair, her hips grinding, driving him crazy. They feasted on each other’s mouth, tongues dueling, daring, seeking. He felt her fingers between their bodies, slipping underneath the waistband of his jeans, pulling at the hem of his shirt. Her fingernail scraped his abs and he groaned. She leaned away from his mouth, her eyes dead sexy. Liquid brown. He was gonna—
A car horn blew, jerking him back to life. Back to the parking lot. He looked over to see a man in a black minivan at a stoplight giving them the thumbs up. He honked twice more, waved, and drove on.
Sloane burst into a fit of laughter that quickly dissolved into tears.
And that clinched it. He’d woken up this morning in some creepy-assed Twilight Zone.
~ * ~
Misty’s love affair with words started in middle school when she penned dark stories set in exotic locales she knew nothing about. In college, her boy-angst spilled over into disturbing reams of poetry. After grad school, real life hit, and the writing went into hibernation until she found her own happily-ever-after with an ultra linear man who is the long-suffering counter-balance to her zig-zagging tendencies. Now, she spends her days writing emotionally complex, adrenaline-fueled stories, teaching Zumba, and praying her children don’t come home with math homework.
Come Hell or High Desire by Misty Dietz
Genre: Romantic Suspense
Misty’s Website | Twitter | Facebook | Goodreads | Pinterest
Come Hell or High Desire on Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo Books
Publication Date: August 12, 2013
Published by Entangled Publishing - Suspense Imprint
Okay, here's the super-cool prize Misty is offering through her Rafflecopter contest. Be sure to enter!!
a Rafflecopter giveaway (<--click here)
Come Hell or High Desire tour schedule, in case you'd like to follow along and stalk Misty!! I know I do.
August 12, 2013 Sexy Between the Covers- Melissa Keir Nancy’s Novels – Welcome to she said, he said Black Velvet Seductions Readers Blog August 13, 2013 TBQ’s Book Palace Paranormal Book Club Talk Supe August 14, 2013 Writerly Ramblings You Gotta Read Reviews August 15, 2013 Brooke Blogs Amberkatze’s Book Blog Reader’s Edyn August 16, 2013 Tattered Pages August 17, 2013 Laurie’s Thoughts and Reviews August 19, 2013 MJ Schiller, Author Sun Mountain Reviews August 20, 2013 Sarah Ballance Mark of the Stars August 21, 2013 Musings and Ramblings August 22, 2013 Open Book Society August 23, 2013 Simply Ali August 24, 2013 Celestial Reviews Just One More Chapter